STUPID CITY COUNCILMEMBER TRICKS

Gary Imhoff, DC Watch - Protecting wildlife is something we can all support, can't we? It sounds good. Except that the aim of Councilmember [Mary] Cheh's bill is not to protect Bambi and polar bears and endangered species, but to protect the urban wildlife that wants to share our homes, the cute and cuddly squirrels and raccoons and opossums and birds and bats that get into our attics and basements and build nests there and damage our houses. Toward these home invaders, Cheh wants us to ask, "Can't we all get along?"

The bill makes a grudging exception to allow the extermination of mice and rats, but other than that these creatures will be protected if they want to cohabitate with us. Most of the bill is devoted to setting up an onerous system of licensing and paperwork reporting for professional exterminators (renamed "wildlife control operators," since they won't be exterminating any more). However, Tim Craig reports that Councilmember Cheh wants to extend its provisions to homeowners who are tempted to use self-help measures. Under the bill, our furry and feathery wild housemates are not to be poisoned, killed, or trapped by any device that can hurt them. In fact, "A wildlife control operator may perform wildlife control only of an animal that is causing actual damage to property or posing an immediate health or safety threat to persons or domestic animals."

Simply preferring to have a varmint-free home isn't enough reason to evict unwanted wildlife guests; actual damage must be shown. Then, raccoon whisperers are supposed to speak softly to them to persuade them to leave. If that isn't effective, squirrel trappers can trap them alive and relocate them, as long as the traps cause minimal stress and the animals are reunited with their family units. If that doesn't work, "Lethal control shall be used only when public safety is immediately threatened or when non-lethal control methods have been employed to address the specific problem at the site and have proven unsuccessful." Bats get special protection: lethal methods cannot be used to remove bats; bats cannot be removed at all for half the year, when they may be hibernating; and when bat colonies can be removed, from March 31 to August 31 each year, the "wildlife control operator" must get the prior permission of the Health Department. So learn to live with bats or, better yet, relocate your bats (with their intact family units) to Mary Cheh's house, where they can make friends with the large colony in her belfry.